Nail Gun Massacre (1985)

Directors:  Bill Leslie, Terry Lofton

 Stars:  Rocky Patterson, Ron Queen, Beau Leland

 Genre:  Horror | Thriller  

 MPAA Rating: Not Rated

 Running Time: 85 Mins

 Format: VHS

Tagline: "Cheaper than a Chainsaw"

(ZERO STARS!)

THE MOVIE ITSELF:

Those who know me are aware that I love B-movies; they have a certain charm to them. But, that's not the case with Nail Gun Massacre. This trash flick is the worst of the worst. I have seen quite a few 80's slashers, and I usually don't expect much out them; being that they all follow the same formula. But, this one has no style or formula, it just is-and that's shit. I wont lie, the title caught my eye, I was curious as to how absurd can a movie be that  goes by the title of Nail Gun Massacre...I found out the hard way.

The film starts of literally with a pretty disturbing rape scene, which I had to fast forward, It went on for a little too long.  After that scene, we are transported to the house of one of the rapist, who is brutally assassinated by an individual with a nail gun (hence the title of the film) he wears a taped up motorcycle mask and a one piece camouflage jump suit.  As the film progresses all you see is people randomly killed by the psychotic murderer;even killing people who weren't involved in the rape.

Now, spoilers ahead, we find out that the killer is the husband of the woman who was raped at the beginning of the film (as if that was a surprise) he is killed of and end of story. That is literally the whole movie, which is short, but drags on for a strange reason. Also, let me mention that the killer would spurt out the cheesiest lines after killing the victims...to be honest, it wasn't even funny, just plain corny!


Do yourself a favor, skip this movie, even if you are a fan of horror movies pass on this one. I thought too that this flick would be a fun horror movie, instead it dragged on forever, the gore scenes were more bizarre than scary and the acting was awful! It is a surprise this movie made it to DVD, and they have plans for releasing it on Blu-Ray...some people have poor taste in movies. Like I mentioned, I enjoy B-movies, but when they are done in a fashion that can be enjoyed. This movie wasn't an enjoyable experience, avoid at all costs.

PICTURE QUALITY:
 The quality of this 20+ year old tape has seen better days, and it is quite evident that the copy I own was an ex-rental at some point in time. The colors are pale and out of contrast, there are blurry lines from being over played, especially in the gory scenes, just show's that some sicko rewound and re-played the scene several times. Now, the issue I had with this tape is only a problem I had with the copy I own, the case may be very different for other tapes still available. Anyhow, the picture quality as a whole without the previous mentioned is of very poor quality.

SOUND QUALITY:
Sound quality is just as negative as the picture, it may be in Hi-Fi sound, but the volume had to be raised several times due the misuse of the tape. I had to actually clean my VCR after playing this tape. So, quality on sound is also very poor.

BOTTOM LINE:
Like previously mentioned, this movie is not worth the time, even for aficionados of slashers. The movie's title is more interesting than the actual film, and that's sad. The creators could have done alot more with the story and pace of the film, fixing those issues would have improved the overall experience of this turd. But, the movie is what it is: a piece of melon shit! Don't rent it, don't download it, just move on! Life will be just fine without having to see Nail Gun Massacre 

The Protector (1985) - American Theatrical Version

Director:  James Glickenhaus

 Stars: Jackie Chan, Danny Aiello, Sandy Alexander

 Genre:  Action | Crime | Drama 

 MPAA Rating: R (Strong Graphic Violence, Sexual Content, Nudity, Drug Use and Profanity)

 Running Time: 91 Mins

Format: DVD ( Keep-Case Edition)

 Tagline: "Now, New York has a new weapon - A cop with his own way of fighting crime"

                                                     
                                                                                                         

The Movie Itself: 

Not many know this, but Jackie Chan had a tough time breaking into the North American market. Sure, back home in Asia- Chan was considered the greatest star known to man; down in America it was a very different story. Jackie's first early attempt was in 1980 with "The Burly Brawl" a film directed by Robert Clouse, who is best known as the director of Enter The Dragon. Clouse, at the time, wanted to turn Jackie into the next Bruce Lee. As we all know, the style between both Martial Artists is very different to say the least. Bruce Lee's style was an authentic mix of the traditional art infused with his own techniques of Jeet Kune Doe. Whereas Jackie Chan is more known for frenetic and erratic style of fighting and moving; so much so that Jackie has made his name for his wild stunts. Ofcourse, his recognition here in the states wouldn't be recognized until much later. 

So, after the failure of " The Burly Brawl" Jackie Chan continued to work home back in Asia. His first attempt, while forgotten in America, would be a hit back home. However, Jackie wasn't about to give up breaking in to the good old USA.  Four years after, Chan was offered the part of Billy Wong- a no nonsense cop with a bit of an attitude. The part would have him play a cop who is out to find a kidnapped wealthy young girl named Laura Shapiro; Along with his partner (Danny Ailleo) they will search for the missing girl and bring down  the biggest chain of narcotics that extends from Hong Kong to America. 

The film on it's own is a great action martial art mash up, I don't exaggerate when I say that I view this movie several times a year. Sure, it's corny at times, and yes there is very little realism in terms of police procedure and politics..but, so what? this movie is not meant to be taken that seriously. It's just an action packed buddy cop movie. Now, I do agree this movie has a little to much drug content, and some unexpected swearing from Jackie Chan. These two main complaints were some of the concerns Jackie Chan had with the film when planning to releasing it back home in Asia.  His concerns were so high, that he fought to have the film re-edited and re- shot for the Asian market. Thus, resulting in a very different alternate cut of the film. The Jackie Chan cut of the film, while interesting, feels very out of place with the tone of the actual film. He inserts more humor, two other characters, changes alot of the fight scenes and minimizes the drug content. While I am glad the drug use was lowered, the fight scenes just don't work in his cut. 

The final edits made by Jackie helped made the film a success in the Asian market. But, back here in North America, the results were not so well. The film was considered a failure upon release, making this film the second failed attempt for Jackie Chan. He would not get another opportunity until 1995's Rumble in The Bronx and 1998's Rush Hour (both of which were great hits) 

As a fan of Jackie, I can understand why alot of people don't like this film. It heavily deviates from his style..so much so that even the director admitted that he didn't want a Jackie Chan film, he wanted a crime action film. Usually, I wouldn't agree, but I have to give credit to the director who gave a great fun action film that never bores you. Again, sure, it's a silly movie, but the style of hard hitting action with cheesy one liners worked quite well for this film.