Director: Michael Bay
Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Tyrese Gibson
Genre: Action | Adventure | Sci-Fi
MPAA Rating:
(for intense prolonged sequences of sci-fi action violence, mayhem and destruction, and for language, some sexuality and innuendo)
Running Time: 157 Mins
Tagline: None
Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Tyrese Gibson
Genre: Action | Adventure | Sci-Fi
MPAA Rating:
(for intense prolonged sequences of sci-fi action violence, mayhem and destruction, and for language, some sexuality and innuendo)Running Time: 157 Mins
Tagline: None
Synopsis:
{According to IMDB}
"The Autobots learn of a Cybertronian spacecraft hidden on the Moon, and race against the Decepticons to reach it and to learn its secrets. "
discussion
When we finally get to the good stuff, which last for almost another hour, I began to feel like Bay can never make a movie short; which reminds me, this movie is almost 3 hours long. Before I get into the fight sequences and the “good stuff” let me explain what is going down. Aside Sam’s “life problems” we find out the supposed real reasons why we never went back to the moon. It seems that alien life was found. So for the beginning of the film we see some footage of the 60’s and one of the Apollo missions landing on the moon. Oh before I forger, I was giggling at how cheap the CGI version of John F. Kennedy looked. I mean they can make giant robots transform into cars, destroy an entire city…yet we can’t make a human look decently real? JFK looked too red and almost alien like, they over enlarged his eyes to the point of deformation. Anyway, we find out that the decepticons are planning to bring back their home planet into the earth. They will need the help of two people, who I cannot reveal, it will ruin the film. But I will tell you shit goes awry, havoc takes place, robots fight, tables turn and people get betrayed. Yet, it’s a Bay film; good guys always prevail and win.
discussion
I have never fully understood the real appeal of these films. Yes, I know it’s just robots fighting each other, no one is seeing them for plot. But Michael Bay needs to stop pretending that he has a smart franchise on his fingertips, because he does not. I will admit I was entertained, at least the movie did that for me; it however does not excuse the film of the sufficient plot holes that can fill up a whole Encyclopedia Britannica. Like a friend of mine said “The Movie was one B.S. wrapped over another B.S.” and honestly it is true; something as simple as logic, seems to be completely absent from the film. For example: at the beginning of the film we witness one of the primes crash landing on the moon, his ship begins to explode…wtf? There is no oxygen in the moon! When will Hollywood understand that in order for an explosion to take place, oxygen must be around…and space lacks it (actually there isn’t any)
So this time around, Sam, “the big hero” gets a medal from the president of the US (Obama himself) but aside his honorable contributions to the country; he just can’t get anyone to hire him. So for a lengthy time of the picture we have Sam and his parents, which we see less of (thank God, can’t stand the mom) trying to get him a job and his life back in order. Before I forget, as we all know, there is a new bimbo (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) who by the way can’t act for beans; when will studios learn that Models are for modeling…Learn from Cindy Crawford, she did horrible in Fair Game. Ok, so back to the film, Sam eventually gets hired by Bruce Brazos (John Malcovich) who seems to be obsessed with the color yellow, he even goes as far as almost firing someone for bringing a red cup into an all yellow room. Sam uncomfortable at the position he is being offered, refuses the position, yet eventually takes the job. For about 1hr or so we have a whole story about Sam and his girlfriend and the shit going down in his life…all of this could have been shortened down to 30 min. All the audience really cares is the autobots fighting the decepticons, that’s it.
When we finally get to the good stuff, which last for almost another hour, I began to feel like Bay can never make a movie short; which reminds me, this movie is almost 3 hours long. Before I get into the fight sequences and the “good stuff” let me explain what is going down. Aside Sam’s “life problems” we find out the supposed real reasons why we never went back to the moon. It seems that alien life was found. So for the beginning of the film we see some footage of the 60’s and one of the Apollo missions landing on the moon. Oh before I forger, I was giggling at how cheap the CGI version of John F. Kennedy looked. I mean they can make giant robots transform into cars, destroy an entire city…yet we can’t make a human look decently real? JFK looked too red and almost alien like, they over enlarged his eyes to the point of deformation. Anyway, we find out that the decepticons are planning to bring back their home planet into the earth. They will need the help of two people, who I cannot reveal, it will ruin the film. But I will tell you shit goes awry, havoc takes place, robots fight, tables turn and people get betrayed. Yet, it’s a Bay film; good guys always prevail and win. 
One thing that I found laughable, and even Tyrese says it in the film “The Decepticons always get the good shit” Still, it doesn’t matter because the autobots always win. But this time around I think the humans did more than the autobots. They came late into the battle; the humans were fully equipped and kicking ass already. The thing I don’t understand with Bay is why he doesn’t work on making the fights more noticeable. Let me explain, I can never really tell sometimes who is fighting who. At one point we have 11 autobots fighting on the ground, and at the beginning there were only 9. I think Bay thinks we are retards or something…actually I think he does think we are. Something as simple as Geography he gets wrong; Sam is staying in D.C. we see from his window Skyscrapers like if it were Los Angeles or New York, yet there aren’t any high visible skyscrapers in Washington D.C. Well, whatever, the thing I want to get to is the final battle. There is a scene, which last so fucking long, where Sam and all the crew, new and old, are trying to survive from this snake looking robot, that is about to destroy a huge skyscraper. That sequence is entertaining, yet in the real world (were the law of physics and gravity exist) things would go differently. In the film, we see the snake decepticon, using their tentacles through the skyscraper and destroying everything around. The building is fist shot at in the side, it falls slowly (slowly as in 15 min) towards the front. While it is being shot, explosions are coming out of the snake looking thingy majigy, I have no clue why, it looks cool, yet it makes no sense. Then the building brakes in half, and somehow there are people still inside alive and well. Which brings back, how the fuck does the chick survive with those high heels? A friend of mine, who was at the theater, noticed this too. He pointed out that she was wearing flats later on, yet we never see her change them. Aside that notion, her and Sam are almost left entirely unscratched as if nothing ever happened.
In the end we all know we see these movies for the effects, which never fall short of amazing. Yet Michael Bay needs to learn that we want some real story, not “pretending to be smart story” I swear, he puts some nice Linkin Park music or some dramatic chanting music that has been used in every freaking movie trailer and thinks we are gona fall for that shit. He even ripped of Hanz Zimmer’s score of Inception. He took the “dream is collapsing” and made his own version, which sounds entirely identical to the original source. We hear this as the soldiers are parasailing with fancy gliding gear towards the city. I really can’t stand this, I mean I had an enjoyable time in the film, yet I feel cheated. I feel like I was but raped, I liked it, yet I know it’s wrong. (Yes that was a Gay joke, you may laugh) But seriously, the audience is not idiots; we want more substance, with the nice style, but keeping it intelligently. And at the end of the day it may be only a movie, but its $14.50 for these movies on Real 3D. So it is not cheap guys. By the way, “Real 3D” is bullshit, this movie had acouple of shots that standed out, but i have seen some movie in the format that look plain chep. To name a few: Saw 3D, Resident Evil. The thing with 3D needs to stop,its just a gimmick to attract people to the cinema. Concluding, I had fun, but it’s a stupid movie, nothing more nothing less. Perhapd slightyl better than the second, I still prefer the first. At the end of the day I have a difficult time difereintiating between all 3 films, there all the same shit: Robots killing of other Robots. Yes, it’s cool, but it gets old quickly. Let us hope there isnt a 4th…But knowing Bay, he will milk a 4th entry for sure..Its a profitable franchise, So we shall see what happens, you be the judge.
In the end we all know we see these movies for the effects, which never fall short of amazing. Yet Michael Bay needs to learn that we want some real story, not “pretending to be smart story” I swear, he puts some nice Linkin Park music or some dramatic chanting music that has been used in every freaking movie trailer and thinks we are gona fall for that shit. He even ripped of Hanz Zimmer’s score of Inception. He took the “dream is collapsing” and made his own version, which sounds entirely identical to the original source. We hear this as the soldiers are parasailing with fancy gliding gear towards the city. I really can’t stand this, I mean I had an enjoyable time in the film, yet I feel cheated. I feel like I was but raped, I liked it, yet I know it’s wrong. (Yes that was a Gay joke, you may laugh) But seriously, the audience is not idiots; we want more substance, with the nice style, but keeping it intelligently. And at the end of the day it may be only a movie, but its $14.50 for these movies on Real 3D. So it is not cheap guys. By the way, “Real 3D” is bullshit, this movie had acouple of shots that standed out, but i have seen some movie in the format that look plain chep. To name a few: Saw 3D, Resident Evil. The thing with 3D needs to stop,its just a gimmick to attract people to the cinema. Concluding, I had fun, but it’s a stupid movie, nothing more nothing less. Perhapd slightyl better than the second, I still prefer the first. At the end of the day I have a difficult time difereintiating between all 3 films, there all the same shit: Robots killing of other Robots. Yes, it’s cool, but it gets old quickly. Let us hope there isnt a 4th…But knowing Bay, he will milk a 4th entry for sure..Its a profitable franchise, So we shall see what happens, you be the judge.
